I'm absolutely devastated at the terrible news released by the Exxon Mobil Corporation. It seems that after posting record profits in 2008, the company's profits fell by more than 50% for 2009. The company had earned $45.2 billion in 2008, but their net profit was only a measly $19.3 billion for 2009. They must be crying in their champagne!
Just think, the poor company's profits were only $1.61 billion a month, $371.2 million a week, $53.02 million a day, $2.2 million an hour, $36,821 a minute or $614 a second for 365 days a year. That's pure profit after all expenses have been deducted. How on earth is Exxon Mobil going to survive? They probably had to cut their company bonuses down to just a couple of billion.
But this brave company is maintaining a stiff upper lip in the face of this economic disaster. Vice president of investor relations David Rosenthal said, "We don't see a need right now for any significant restructurings at this time. But we'll see how things go." The $19.3 billion in profits still represented the largest profit of any of the Fortune 500 companies, but I'm sure the Exxon executives are far too embarrassed by their poor performance to take any solace in that.
Aren't you as horrified as I am by Exxon Mobil's poor 2009 showing?
boo fucking hoo
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