As you probably know, the Catholic Church is in the midst of a pedophile scandal that reaches all the way up to the Pope. The godly folks over at Landover Baptist Church say this is driving many Catholics to leave their church and become godly Baptists. In fact, LBC says their services are fully booked at all four sanctuaries through the year 2017, and tickets to the services are being scalped for $3000 each!

So, to help the throngs of new Baptist converts the godly people at Landover Baptist have made the following guide showing the difference between the evil Catholic church and the godly Baptist church:

Comparison Guide For Incoming Catholics CATHOLIC CHURCH BAPTIST CHURCH Priests are not allowed to marry so can only give sex advice based on experience to child molesters Preachers are allowed to marry and council church members in marital advice based on their experience. Priests wear skirts and dresses, skip when they walk and speak with a lisp. Preachers wear a suit and tie and speak with a Godly southern accent, just like God. Altar boys wear little white dresses and no underpants and are there to service the priest Baptists don't have transvestites of any kind, especially underage ones who act as temple prostitutes! Church services are conducted in an ancient language called "Latin." Church services are conducted in English (The language in which Jesus thought and which the Holy Bible was written). Church members confess their sins to an old man wearing a dress in a dark wooden box called a "confessional" through an opening large enough for non-Negro genitals. Church members confess their sins to Jesus Christ directly (who coincidentally wears a dress). Church members are asked to pray to Mary and so-called, "saints." Church members do not pray to anyone other than Jesus Christ and his Father, God. And only in times of great distress, a Bird we call, "The Holy Ghost." Services (called "masses") are conducted by step aerobics, kneeling, standing and sitting. Godly Christians™ sit their enormous asses down and listen to the Word of God!