Children Are Not Merchandise To Be Returned

A few days ago, a Tennessee mother (and I use that term loosely) named Torry Hanson put her adopted 7 year-old son on an airplane to Russia with a note pinned to him that said she no longer wanted to be his parent because he was "mentally unstable". She had adopted the boy from Russia and brought him to the United States, but when the going got tough she decided she could just return him like a broken toy purchased at Wal-Mart.

This is not the only tragedy regarding adopted children. Russia is one of the more popular countries to adopt children from, especially with those who particularly want a white child. But adoption within our own country is difficult enough, and requires special parents with a lot of patience and love. Adopting a foreign child who has to not only get used to new parents, but also a new country and a new language, is even more difficult.

In addition, these foreign adoptions have some prospective parents who are not vetted as well as they would be for an adoption in the United States. Some of these people may have even been turned down here, but find they can adopt overseas. I'm sure there are many good parents who adopt from overseas, but it's time to admit that there are a lot of failures too.

Since 1990, there have been several cases of deaths of children adopted from Russia, not to mention multiple cases of abuse. These cases, topped off by the "return" of the child by the Tennessee woman has Russian President Medvedev angry, and personally I think his anger is justified. Medvedev (pictured) said:

"It is a monstrous deed on the part of his adoptive parents, to take the kid and virtually throw him out with the airplane in the opposite direction and to say, 'I'm sorry I could not cope with it, take everything back' is not only immoral but also against the law."

"I believe considering that negative experience which has been accumulated in that department we should think with our American colleagues about some agreement between us about where the expectations which would outline very strongly the responsibilities of the parents which are taking children from Russia, which will provide the monitoring opportunities of such a family."

"We should understand what is going on with our children, or we will totally refrain from the practice of adopting Russian children by American adoptive parents. I can only say we are alarmed by the tendency."

I have to agree with President Medvedev. This "return" is only one small part of a growing problem -- a problem that must be dealt with. The American and Russian governments must get together to make sure prospective parents are properly vetted. Then after an adoption has been finalized, the child's situation should be monitored, and if necessary, child-rearing and psychological help should be offered to the family. If this can't be done, then the Russian adoptions should be stopped.

I have to wonder, would these people be wanting to dump these kids if they were their natural born children? Adoption is no different. Once the adoption papers are completed, that is their child -- just the same as if they had been born naturally to those parents. And it's for better or worse. You can't dump a child just because things get tough. Just like other parents, when things get tough you just seek some help.

Children are not merchandise or property that can be returned or disposed of when you no longer want them. Children are a life-long proposition, and there isn't any turning back. Any person that can't make and keep that commitment shouldn't be adopting a child. Rearing any child is no bed of roses. There are going to be hard times amongst the good times, and there will be times when one wonders if it's worth it -- that's just part of the deal(and getting a child through the hard times is part of what makes life worth living).

As for the "mother" who sent the 7 year-old child back to Russia, I believe she should be charged with child abandonment. She made a commitment to care for that child and her breaking that promise is nothing short of child abuse.