Advice For Officeholders

The excellent Arizona blogger cpmaz over at Random Musings has some advice for both Democratic and Republican officeholders. I concur, and bring you his humorous suggestions:

My advice to Congressman Weiner and all Democratic officeholders - 

1.  Nothing, not phone calls, text messages, emails, Tweets, Facebook updates or whatever, is secret.  If it's embarrassing or can be spun in an embarrassing way, it *will* come out.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't use those forms of communication, but don't say, write, or send something that you wouldn't want on display in open church in front of your grandparents and fiercest rival.

2.  Don't try to tell jokes.  You can't do it right.  Ask John Kerry.  Or Barack Obama

Leave the jokes to the jokers.


My advice to Republican office-holders -

1.  Say what you want; do what you want.  For example (hypotheticall speaking, of course) -

- Like to hang out in airport restrooms?  Go for it.

- Have a habit of sending creepy emails to underage pages?  No one will care.  Trust me.

- Want to abandon your official duties in favor of a booty call in Argentina?  Your constituents will be cool with that.

- Want to boink the wife of a family friend, and use you parents to funnel hush money your girlfriend and her husband?  Sounds brilliant.

- Sending semi-nude pictures of yourself?  Not a problem.

2.  Tell all the jokes that you want.  The more off-color and bigoted, the better.  People will appreciate it, especially if they are the target of your joke.  You'll seem like "just folks."