Kinky Answers Online Questions

Last friday, the Dallas Morning News [with editorial writer, Rodger Jones] arranged an online talk with Kinky Friedman, independent candidate for governor. I thought some of you would be interested in the questions and answers. The questions are in black and Kinky's answers are in red:

How do you plan to combat the perception that yours is not a serious candidacy?
Are you kidding? Just because the other three candidates have had humor bypasses does not mean I have to be a self-important pompous ass. The circus needs clowns as much as donkeys and elephants. Besides, some things are too important to be taken seriously.

Don't you have an obligation to be specific about who would form a Friedman administration?
No, what I think you need to know is that Willie would head the new Texas Energy Commission. And when I appoint someone, it will be someone outside of politics. That's why I admire Lance Armstrong. He's managed to irritate the French for seven years in a row. But he'll never have his hand in Texas' pocketbook. Neither will Willie Nelson nor will Kinky Friedman.

Are you sticking by your idea of paying Mexican generals to keep would-be illegals on their side of the border?
No. The Mexican government must step up to the plate. Mexico is a rich country, and they should pay their fair share. My immigration policy is "Remember the Alamo."

What policies do you advocate in response to the huge growth in the Hispanic population?
I love campaigning with Hispanics. It's more fun and their food is better. And they want the same thing everyone else does. They want a good education for their kids, some job security, access to health care, and they're begging for a little honesty from their elected officials. I don't eat tamales on the barrio and then go to a black church and eat fried chicken and then go have a bagel with a jew. I treat all people the same. If you ain't Texan, I ain't got time for you.

What do you have planned for the senior citizens of Texas [who don't live on big fat retirement packages]?
Texas is 50th in care for the elderly. This is shameful. I'd do everything I can for old folks like myself. After all, I'm 61, which is too young for medicare, and too old for women to care. One of the ideas is the Texas Peace Corps, which brings back retired folks to the public schools to teach music, shop, art, vocation and life experiences. The retired people are getting screwed in this state, and I aim to change that.

What would you say to those who are opposed to using money from gambling for education, and to those who say the lottery has not improved education, as it was designed to do?
I would say the Georgia Lottery has made it possible for every high school kid with a B average or better to go to college for free. The Texas Lottery has gone right into the politicians and lobbyists pockets, and everybody knows it. The money from legalized casino gambling will be constitutionally dedicated for education, and the people overseeing this will not be politicians. The last poll showed 76% of Texans favored legalized gambling. It's just common sense. Why fuel the economies of 5 other states when we can't even pay our own teachers what they're worth?

You are opposed to the Trans-Texas Corridor. What alternatives do you offer on the need to relieve congestion on I-35 through the heart of Texas?
If we need more roads, the state of Texas should build them. Not a Spanish corporation.

Can wind, solar power, and biofuels meet the state's rocketing need for energy?
Yes, they can provide 400X the energy we need. For the first time in history, Texas is importing energy. This is just common sense. Are we going to lead the parade, or follow it?

Can you improve on Gov. Perry's job of attracting business and creating jobs?
The alternative energy industry, for starters, would create tens of thousands of jobs. So would legalized casino gambling. Those two alone would create more jobs than Rick Perry's created, and neither would require a state subsidy.

How do you answer critics who say that a governor without a party cannot be effective with the legislature?
Rick Perry can't get along with his own party leaders. We don't need a ploitician anymore, we need a Good Shepherd. It's time for the people of Texas, not the politicians, to make their voices heard. Besides, how can you look at the Texas Legislature and still believe in Intelligent Design?

Do you favor capital punishment?
I'm not against the death penalty, I'm against the wrong guy being executed. And I ask the question, "When was the last time a rich man was executed in Texas?" Since the answer is never, I don't see how we've improved the system in the 2000 years since Jesus Christ was executed. What have we learned in 2000 years?

Gov. Perry is a low-tax governor. What is your position? Also - what's you're position on a state income tax?
How can you say Perry is a low-tax governor when he's just passed a new tax on small business? He has taxed the people who have been successful and who are playing by the rules. Would Ronnie Reagan have passed a small business tax when the state is sitting on an $8 billion surplus? Casino gambling is just one solution. My Trust for Texas Heroes would tax an additional 1% of oil and gas production at the well head, and that money would go to raises for cops, firefighters and teachers. Taking sports funding out of our education budgets and letting the private and retail sectors bid on sponsoring our sports activities would also free up 10-15% of school budgets.
And on the state income tax question, I'm opposed to it.

Are you going to stink up the governor's house with ciger smoke?
It would be hard to stink it up any more than it already is.