Tips For Acting Like A Conservative

I have posted before about how today's "conservatism" bears little or no resemblance to the conservatism of the past. That may leave some people wondering just what a conservative is -- and how must a person act to be considered conservative. Well, my fellow Texas blogger over at Bay Area Houston has provided a public service by detailing "How To Be A Conservative Republican". Here are his nine steps:

Interrupt people. For conservatives, interrupting is a skill. Interrupting someone during a debate or discussion is a way to stop the flow of information. It is a way to keep your audience ignorant and it is just plain rude. Conservatives think it is cute.

Disrespect authority. Conservatives have no limits when showing disrespect for elected officials. Making fun of them, poking their finger in their face, telling them to "put the crack pipe down" is just par for the course for conservatives. It is simply not enough to disagree with our elected officials if you want to be a conservative. Being disrespectful is a trait they pass on to their kids.

Support traditional marriage. Many times. It is OK to limit marriage to one man and one woman at one time, just as long as you also declare your support for the "sanctity of marriages". (plural) Look at Newt Gingrich. He was stuffing a young staffer while married to his wife. And he did it TWICE! Republican conservatives are very good at this.

Lie. This is easy. Just simply lie about your opponent or their positions. If and when you have to defend your position, constantly interrupt your opponent, keeping those around you ignorant of the facts as interrupting does. And repeat the lies over and over and over. (For those who are tired of being ignorant look at snopes.com or politifacts to bust the lies.)

Spend. Spend. Spend. Supporting spending tax dollars is easy for a conservative especially if it comes in the form of a paycheck in your pocket at the end of the week. During the George W. Bush error, the conservative congress spent like a rich horny bastard at a hooker convention. You probably thought conservatives are frugal with others money. This is not true of today's conservatives.

Be a hypocrite. Conservatives are good at this.  Rally for the sanctity of marriage, then get caught porking a hooker. (Senator "I did her" Vitter) Call for fiscal responsibility then get caught stealing from the government. (State Representative Joe Driver) Call for less taxes then go to your government job. (defense employees) Rally against the gay community, then get caught in a gay bar. (who can this be?)

Protect the Constitution. Or at least the 2nd amendment. All the others like freedom of speech, freedom of religion, right to a civil trial, right to a jury of your peers, yada yada, are too hard to understand. Being ignorant of the protections of the Constitution yet claiming to support it is a lot easier.

Stay ignorant. Holding up a sign at a teabag rally saying "CUT TAXES" then going back to your government job isn't ignorant. It is just plain stupid. This is what happens when conservatives refuse to be "edumacated". Stay ignorant my friends.

Be a coward. The cowards of the so called conservatives give real conservatives a bad name. It is easy to be a conservative coward. Support sending troops to war then hide your son behind a sweater tied around his waste and send him to college to let the poor kids fight the fight you won't fight. It is easy to send people to get killed, especially when it costs you absolutely nothing.