This brings to mind an excellent post I recently read on the blog Unreasonable Faith. Here is a part of that post, with an pledge that all men should take:
It’s not women who need to adopt a change in attitude, it’s men. I think as men we can probably all think of instances where we’ve laughed amongst ourselves at jokes that we would absolutely never tell in the presence of a woman. I can certainly think of instances from my own youth where my attitude to women was not so much questionable as downright disgusting. I’ve given unthinking support to male friends who were accused of rape, without even stopping to think that maybe they did it. I’ve certainly had sex with women whilst we were both very drunk, and not thought to ask myself if they would have wanted to do it sober. I’ve hung around in groups of male friends discussing women like they were trophies to collect. And to my fellow men I say this: I know damned well that my experiences are not uncommon. The vast majority of us have done (or still do) these things.
And that is what needs to change to end rape culture: The things that we men do and say and are, when only men are present; the ways we interact with each other, the things that we find acceptable; the standards that we relax when we are with “the boys”.
So to that end, I’d like to make a little pledge:
I will never condone rape or support rape culture in any way. I will object, loudly, when a rape joke is told. I will not tolerate objectification of women, amongst my male friends or amongst anybody else. I will do my best to be aware of my male (and white, and straight, and middle class) privilege, and to not take advantage of it. If and when I have children, I will try to educate them to critically appraise the media to which they are exposed and be aware of the gender messages within it. I will not spend money on any product, company or media which I am aware of having promoted rape culture or gender disparity, regardless of whether they have done so deliberately.
Rape is definitely a 'culture among men' because even in countries where women wear a burka there is rape and denigration of women. Rape and talk of rape seems to be used to elevate the stature of men among men, as a 'weapon' of war, or to intimidate women who may be in competition with men. Women are the weaker sex only physically. Never doubt a woman's intellect when it comes to employing resources, like the courts, in having the final word. The younger generation appears to be less and less into the 'gender terror' and 'gender wars'. I hope that my grandson grows up to be a champion of humanity, not just a champion of 'men'.
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