A Little Early Gloating

The Republican presidential campaign has been a disastrous affair from the beginning. Mitt Romney has seemed like the probable nominee, but a large majority of Republicans have jumped through numerous hoops to avoid nominating him. In spite of the fact that all of his opponents have serious flaws, they have all taken their turn as the race leader (until those flaws became so compelling they couldn't be tolerated). But that still hasn't convinced the voters to back Romney. They see him as a liberal flip-flopper and a poster-boy for Wall Street greed, and they dislike him so much that it looks like they're willing to give the ethical black hole, Newt Gingrich, another chance.

I would be lying if I said that most Democrats aren't enjoying this immensely. With the Republican race looking more like the wreckage of a clown car than a serious effort to find a viable candidate, Democrats can barely contain their glee. But while most of us see the GOP campaign as a continuing disaster that's unlikely to improve, we realize that there's still at least 10 months until the general election -- and a lot can happen in that period of time. It's just too early to gloat.

But there is a Democrat that just couldn't contain himself any longer -- James Carville. Carville has never had a problem expressing his opinion, and he just couldn't help but do a little early gloating. Here is the open letter to establishment Republicans that he penned for CNN. If you're a Democrat you'll probably find it rather humorous (and if you're a Republican, I doubt that you will):

(CNN) -- Memo to Republican Establishment:


I would send this memo to each of you individually, but I'm not sure exactly who you are. I've been told that you exist and that people like my colleagues Bill Bennett, Karl Rove, and Bill Kristol are charter members of it.


I am assuming you are out there and I assume there are more than three of you. At any rate, I thought I'd take a moment to catch up with you and make some observations on how things are going for your party.


Let me break it to you gently -- you've got a first-class disaster on your hands. I know you boys thought this thing would work out and you would be able to whip the Republicans in line to fall in behind Mitt (I assume you are all males but if there is a female in the establishment, I apologize.) Not going too good, is it fellows?


It's been a terrible time to be a Republican. There have been many moments during this process that have caused me great joy. Certainly the events of Thursday, ending with the CNN debate, and even the Fox debate Monday night, have helped ease the pain of my beloved Tigers' and Saints' recent defeats.


I mean, most people thought it was kind of a watermark when your Tea Party gang booed the golden rule. You know, I've spent some time in Philly and they have always thought they were pretty radical because they actually booed Santa Claus and Willie Mays. Philly, I've got news for you -- you ain't got nothing on South Carolina Republicans. They just aren't buying any of that do-unto-others garbage.


I actually thought my favorite moment of this delightful process was when one of your eight front-runners, Herm Cain, (as Sarah Palin calls him) actually ran an ad with his campaign manager endorsing him. (Rove, why didn't you think of that in 2000? Imagine the headline: "Rove endorses Bush.")


The climax of that delicious ad is when he actually takes a drag on a cigarette. But my favorite thing about Herm's campaign manager is that he is the only person in the history of the world that was actually barred from political consulting. Let me tell you, I've been in this business for quite a while and I've never known of anyone other than Mark Block to be suspended from practicing this profession.


At any rate, let's talk a minute about Mitt. He was your guy -- he was methodical, meticulous, married once. He has completely blown himself up over an issue that everyone knew was coming. Have you had a chance to look at John McCain's research operation on Mitt? Wow. And let me assure you, that thing has been supplemented, expanded, and annotated. God only knows about the Obama people -- they've got a billion dollars! And how about my friends over at American Bridge (the Democrat-leaning political action committee)? Clearly Mitt is merely in the beginning of this tax-return, financial-disclosure, Cayman Island (and God only knows what else) fiasco.


Your new front-runner is one of your old front runners, Newt Gingrich. I would like to take a moment to revel: I cannot personally tell you how pleased I am to see old Newt rise to the top after listening to all of your nauseating, sickening lectures on the evils of government and the importance of family values.


Now, you guys have to deal with a $1.6 million Freddie Mac consultant (who says he wasn't a lobbyist) who has been married three times. Hope you, at least, enjoy the Super Bowl. It could be your last hurrah for a while.


PS -- As my former boss once said, I feel your pain. That's why I didn't mention Rick Perry.